Discovering
My Authenticity
In 1976 when I was 23 years old, I accidentally worked for a year as a junior
reporter for Rona Barrett, the Hollywood entertainment reporter who had two segments
on ABC’s Good Morning America and her name on two magazines.
Why accidentally? Well, I fell into it. I was in
the right place at the right time and said the right things. Not an accident,
you say? Hmm. You could be right.
But it felt like an accident – and I felt like an accident waiting to happen.
I didn’t know how to authentically be myself because, at the age of 23,
I was still figuring out who that was. And I wasn’t sure if I could do
the high pressure work, since I’d been studying acting, not journalism.
I was constantly thrust into stressful situations
that required me to pretend to be more confident than I felt. While the bravado
got me through, it also wore
me down, and many a night I found myself weeping on the phone to my mother,
wondering when and how I would finally fail.
Photo by
Tayler Keith |
Then one day, about six
months in, I realized that Rona used my reviews and write-ups with few changes.
And while she wasn’t one to give compliments, I did have
the opportunity to realize that despite my many debilitating fears, I seemed
to be getting it right. When told to come back from a celebrity party with
a story angle no one else had, I chose what my inner voice told me was the most
interesting human element, and Rona used it.
Why, that meant that my instincts – often all I had to go on – were
coming through for me!
I stopped crying and decided to trust myself. I
embraced my authenticity as a
person and a writer. I’ve been a person and a writer ever since.
Are you in an uncomfortable situation? Surprise!
It can result in the supreme comfort of all – discovering and affirming
who you are.
Goddaughter
Graciousness Lesson
I’ve always been a good compliment giver, someone who’s naturally
appreciative of other people’s gifts. A good compliment is like a little
present that’s gift wrapped – and wouldn’t anyone say “thank
you” to that? Yet, it’s been a lifelong challenge for me to accept
a kind word.
I received a wonderful lesson recently in how to
accept a compliment
from my 16-year-old goddaughter Tayler. We were riding in the car together and
I mentioned
how nice her dress looked on her. She replied with sincerity and enthusiasm, ‘Why,
thank you!”
Later in the same drive, I said I really liked an art project that she’d
completed. Again, she responded with pure acceptance and joy, “Thank you!”
The graciousness of her response comforted me.
And got me thinking. I realized I’d never
responded to a compliment so
graciously in my entire life. I’d learned to deflect compliments by responding
with something like “Oh, you think so?” or “Yeah, it turned
out okay.”
Recently, when Patricia complimented me by saying
I have good marketing ideas, I even went to the extreme of answering defensively
wtih: "You're darn right I do!" (We
soon began mocking this alarming response, trading compliments and reacting with
giant, over-the-top responses like “You bet I am!” followed by falling
down and laughing hysterically.)
Laughing at myself helped. Especially because it
increased my awareness that my inappropriate responses were signs that I was
missing the point. When someone
extends a compliment, they are going out of their way to notice and encourage
you. This deserves a response that is full of acknowledgement and gratitude.
Comforts exchanged.
So now I’m a work in progress. When I get
a compliment, I remember my goddaughter’s
response: enthusiastic, gracious and sincere, and I strive to fill my reaction
with the same energy. It’s a comfort to release an old habit that no longer
matches who you are.
Michael Burgos
Co-author of The
Book
of Comforts
Dean Andrews
Artist/Designer of The
Book of Comforts
Creative Coach — Helping the creative soul to be productive
www.deanandrews.com
Get
a Glove and Get In the Game
The
techno-blast from the phone pierced my reverie. “When will they
ever perfect ESP?!” I thought. Up to my flannel cuffs in paint,
I scanned my choices. Do I answer it? Do I let my machine get it? What
if it’s the Museum of Modern Art? (I
dream.) The Personal Coach in me was screaming, “No! Don’t
get it! You’ll never
get back to your canvas.” Curiosity won, though, and I clenched
the phone in my splattered latex glove.
I won’t bore you with our bubbly banter but
it was Patricia Alexander, my friend and former writing coach, and we had been
seriously out of touch.
Her energy made for a rewarding interruption, as did her proposition.
She knew that, in addition to painting, I
had parlayed a successful career in advertising art direction into an independent
one, where I now take
on various creative projects that appeal to me. Patricia called to present
the idea that we work together on The Book
of Comforts. Would
I be interested in designing the book?
I don’t think there is a measure for the brief period of time it
took me to get to “Yes!”
Since then, Patricia and her co-author, Michael
Burgos, and I have enjoyed a tremendous year together on this project, and on
others that have grown
from it.
I recognize that it was my receptive response
to Patricia's call that allowed her invitation to become the powerful
little book that we’re all proud to have created. And that I need
to keep my mind always in that state of readiness,
Now, I seldom let calls go
unanswered. In fact, lately, when the gloves are off, I’ve taken
to initiating calls and, as I like to say, “stirring up the air” myself.
Gloves off, gloves on, it feels good to be in the game.
PERSONALLY, I RECOMMEND...
The Eight by Katherine
Neville (Fiction)
This is one of the few books I re-read, a high
compliment indeed. Rarely do you find a rip-snortingly good, solid, smart and
engaging book like this. An international
romp that weaves history with modern intrigue, and scifi with the secrets
of chess and power, it’s been republished lately and compared to The
DaVinci Code. I love the richly drawn characters in
this book and the crackling dialogue.
My biggest lament is that I actually met the author
once, but since I hadn’t
read the book, had no idea how much I would have liked to kidnap her and have
a three-hour chat. Sigh! I think I’ll go email her right now…
— From
Patricia Alexander
www.katherineneville.com
Mr. Everit’s Secret – What I Learned
from the World's Richest Man by Alan Cohen
(Non-fiction)
This book was placed in my hands by a dear friend
so I looked forward to savoring it, which I did. It is chock full of
delicious and digestible metaphors, and is powerful in its simplicity.
One man's journey with an unlikely mentor leads
him to meaningful revelations. Each
chapter is summarized in a visual, journal-like format, reminding us of what
he/we
have gleaned.
Cohen writes, "Let
it be easy," in Lesson 10, a lesson this student
is ready to learn. "When
you are learning to ride a bike, you learn from falling off, but you learn
just
as
much — maybe
more — when you
stay balanced and enjoy the ride." Can't wait to hop on his
metaphor and take it for a spin!
— From
Dean Andrews
www.alancohen.com
UPCOMING EVENTS
WORKSHOPS
Wednesday, April 25, 2007; 6:30-8:30PM
Space Limited – REGISTER
NOW!
Three Windows to the Self: Seeking
Balance, Health and Empowerment by Learning How to Soothe Your Mind,
Body & Spirit
Investment: $35 (includes copy of The Book of Comforts)
Lighthouse Wellness Center
4454 Market Street, Suite 305
Ventura, CA 93001
(805) 482-6766
Tuesday, June 19, 2007; 6:45-9:30PM
Investment: $ 49.99 / $ 44.99 Members of TLA
How to Stop Self-Numbing and Start Self-Nurturing for Personal Growth
The Learning Annex
11850 Wilshire Boulevard, #100
Los Angeles, CA 90025
(310) 478-6677
www.LearningAnnex.com
Sunday, July 8, 2007; 1-3:00PM
Investment: $20
Finding Your Inner Comforter: Transforming From the Inside Out
Center for Spiritual Living:
A Religious Science Church
340 Mobil Avenue
Camarillo, CA 93010
805 484-1137
www.SpiritualLivingCenter.org
SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Guest Speaker: 10:30 a.m. Service
Empower Your Mind, Body & Spirit
with the Art of Reasonable Hedonism!
and
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Guest Speaker: 10:30 Service
The Power of Healthy Self-Comforting
Center for Spiritual Living:
A Religious Science Church
340 Mobil Avenue
Camarillo, CA 93010
805 484-1137
www.SpiritualLivingCenter.org
If you are interested in any of these events, contact
Patricia Alexander.
Newsletter designed by Dean
Andrews.
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Click here to receive Patricia's
Newsletter
 Give
Yourself Credit For Mature Decisions. Instead
of dwelling on your mistakes, make a list of all the important decisions
you've
made in your life that you can look back
on and feel good about. Also look at all the mistakes that you transformed into
valuable lessons. The person you are today was built on these moments. Be proud
of yourself.
AVAILABLE NOW!
The Book of Comforts –
Simple, Powerful Ways to Comfort Your Spirit, Body and Soul
by Patricia Alexander and Michael Burgos
Artwork and Design by Dean Andrews
Hardcover, 8-1/4 x 6-3/4, 129 pages
$19.95
Available at:
barnesandnoble.com
bookofcomforts.com
Keep
Your Inner Voice On High Volume. Once
that inner voice in your head starts whispering, it’s your level
of awareness that determines whether it goes away or goes louder.
So keep your inner voice on high volume and catch
your mistakes before you make them. You’ll start to trust your instincts
and find you’re tuned into the right frequency more frequently.
ONLINE COURSE
New Online Course
Plus
Live
2-Hour Teleclass with Patricia
That Will Transform Your Life!
May 2007
"The Secret to Being a Reasonable
Hedonist: How to Stop Fighting
With Food, Evolve Into Your Best Body, and Maintain Your True Weight"
Has food
become something you battle with instead of being one of the great
pleasures of life? Or is it a pleasure
followed by regret and self-criticism?
Is your struggle with weight one of the central
issues of your life? Is it beginning to affect your health, your self-esteem
and your
peace of mind?
Patricia is a self-proclaimed “Reasonable
Hedonist” who has successfully evolved out of being an overweight
child and adult. She will motivate you, educate you and inspire
you to a revolutionary way of thinking about your relationship
with food and your body.
Patricia will open your mind and
your heart and
lead you with authenticity and laughter to a whole new world
of peace and balance so you can become the Reasonable Hedonist you
were meant
to be!
YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO:
• Understand how your "inner child" and
your "inner rebel" duke it out in your head to be
in charge and how to
make them sit in the backseat
while you, the adult, drives.
• Dig out those “Myth-Beliefs” you’ve made sacred
that don’t serve you and learn how to explode them and exchange
them for powerful truths that are loving and reasonable.
• Put the whole weight and food thing into a
new timeline perspective that allows you to have a life, be
a regular imperfect human being
and still get it right.
• Give yourself permission to enjoy food
as you never have before by exorcising guilt and embracing health.
31 Daily Lessons, Meditations
and Exercises, Delivered to Your Inbox
… PLUS…
A Two-Hour Teleclass With Patricia
Investment in Yourself: $99
 Click
Here To Sign
Up Today!
Learn
To Embrace A Compliment. There's
nothing wrong with having strengths as well as weaknesses. Check your
response to a compliment: Do you minimize it?
Contradict it? Deflect it? How
about this – you're allowed to just accept it and relish it. Remember, “Thank
you!” is a complete sentence. It feels great to be appreciated. Go with
it!
NEED A SPEAKER?
Contact Patricia to give a speech, workshop, seminar or fundraiser
for your organization or company.
See
Suggested Topics!
NEED A COACH?
Going through a painful or frustrating (or exciting) transition? Trying
to reach an important goal or decision, but feel stuck?
Sometimes
you
just need someone objective to talk to who has the gift of perception
and insight, laced with gentle humor and practicality. Give yourself
the comfort of coping faster and with more clarity. Contact
Patricia
to be your Clarity and Transition Coach.
COACHING TESTIMONIAL
"My retirement
had developed into a rather unsatisfying time of doing lots of volunteer
activity but not
feeling fulfilled. Then I spoke
to Patricia about
wanting to do a proposal for a citywide public art project, questioning
whether I could finish all the requirements by the deadline. She helped me set
up a realistic
schedule, and I finished the proposal on time. To my delight, I was awarded
one of the murals.
"I appreciate the reinforcement and encouragement
Patricia gives me to achieve my goals and dreams. To follow my passion
is a beautiful thing!"
— Joanne Carson Kegel,
Ventura, CA
FEEDBACK & QUESTIONS
I was just listening
to the KPFK Innervision Podcast with you both talking to Michael Benner
and halfway thru the interview
I immediately bought your book. I can not wait to get it, I feel
like I am going through a "stuck" and emotional phase of
my life and I feel like I may find some answers or guidance or even
inspiration in your book. Hearing your interview with Michael was
wonderful, you both sound so kind and compassionate (and we all know
Michael Benner is.).
Sincerely,
Rebecca Segal, Los Angeles, CA
Bless you, Rebecca!
Getting your email truly made our day! It's very
kind of you to take the time to write us. It means a lot to us to hear that the
interview
and the book concept touched you enough to create such immediate
action.
I believe that seekers are finders. The fact that you are "tracking" that
you feel stuck and seeking to do something about it means that it's
only a matter of time until you are no longer stuck. Congratulations
in advance!
May real comfort be yours.
Warmest,
Patricia
Send us you Feedback and
questions
HOW DO YOU
COMFORT YOURSELF?
Larry, 55
Founder of
Marketing/Coaching Firm
I try to decide if my discomfort is rational or
irrational. If it's irrational, it's helpful to acknowledge that and remind
myself not to focus on the irrational.
If it is rational, then I need to decide if it is a challenge I want to take
on. If not, I try to let it go.
If I do take it on, I begin to write my thoughts
and create an action plan.
It has been my experience that distress comes when I'm unclear. For me, clarity
creates comfort.
Christina, 20
College Student
I think of all my good qualities, my family, my friends, my boyfriend, how
I can resolve whatever sticky situation I may be in. I think of all the wonderful
things I have in my life to be thankful for. I know God has blessed me in
so
many ways, and thinking of all my blessings always puts me in a good mood
with a smile on my face. If all else fails, peanut butter comes in handy,
too!
Tell Us How You Comfort Yourself
OUT & ABOUT
Patricia in action at The Friendship Connection in
Ventura, CA with "Oodles of Comfort, No Repercussions: Getting Wiser,
Not Older." At far right is Madalyne Esrock, who comments: "Patricia
is articulate, enthusiastic, caring and dynamic. Her presentation was enjoyed
by all."
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